The Psychological Effects Of Domestic Violence And Paths To Recovery

Domestic violence victim showing hands in defense (tCaPC).

Domestic violence is not a joke. It is a callous act that can send the victims to their early graves in a moment. Domestic violence does not only account for the physical bruising or the gaslighted deposition you see, it can cause serious damage to the mental health of the victims. It transcends gender, race, age, and even social status or influence in society. 

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence or abuse only occurs given an intimate or family relationship. It is a situation where a partner uses a continuous violent or intimidating act to maintain control or power over the other partner. Domestic abuse can happen in various forms. It can be sexual, physical, or verbal. It aims to frighten, manipulate, humiliate, hurt, or intimidate the victim. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Sometimes, the children are not left out. Many kids have been traumatized from what they saw their dad do to their mum or vice versa. Apart from the psychological impact, some children have also gotten the end of the whip, kicked, shoved aside, or punched in a fit of anger.

As demeaning as domestic abuse can be, understanding the psychological impact is critical to helping victims on their path to recovery. Let's break down the psychological effects of Gerald’s story.

Shock And Anxiety

Gerald had been unemployed for six months, so he decided to be a stay-at-home dad till he got another job. Before he lost his job, everything seemed fine, as he provided everything for his wife and his kids. However, it became a different story when he lost his job. It was like he had married another person. His wife did not miss any opportunity to bring him down. He let her do whatever she wanted to him since she was bringing in the most money at that time. Soon enough, it became a pattern. She would command him around the house, yell and insult him when he did something wrong, and even insult him when she did something wrong.

‘You're a worthless man and I'm in charge now,’ were her famous words. She used them almost every day. Gerald endured verbal abuse and emotional trauma. ‘Just till I find a new job,’ he would say to himself. He diligently took care of the kids and the house while looking for a new job.

One day, Gerald was in the kitchen making a little meal for the kids when his wife walked in and started shouting. One of the kids had scattered papers across the floor of the room. She insulted him and accused him of neglecting the kids, causing them to misbehave. He kept reminding her that it was not a big deal. Children had to explore ways that would fit how they play. She kept shouting. Then he told her that he would clean the room after they were done.

Suddenly, he felt a stinging pain across his face that caused him to shut his eyes. When he opened them, he saw his wife standing dangerously close to him with her hands in the air. She slapped him. He looked at her in shock and pain as she walked away. Soon enough, two drops of tears ran down his cheek. He could not believe what had happened.

Depression

Victim of domestic violence sitting distressed with an abuser in the foreground (tCaPC).

For the next few days, Gerald's wife had put her hands on him twice. He could not believe what his life was turning into. He felt numb and he was quickly entering into depression. He dreaded his wife coming back home, and he wished she had something or someone else keeping her waiting. Gerald was feeling hopeless and overwhelmed with worry. How did he get into this mess? He was the man, who would believe him if he said his wife assaulted him? He was starting to believe that he was worthless.

Bodily Damage

The third time Gerald’s wife put her hands on him, she injured him. She shoved him hard while he was trying to stop her from hitting him because his kids were watching them. He hit his side on the edge of the dining table and has been in severe pain since then.

After Gerald's second session with his doctor, he decided to talk to his best friend about his situation and together, they decided to go for therapy.

Paths to recovery

Seeking professional help

In the coming week, Gerald got an appointment letter from a huge tech company. However, his situation was far from over. He knew he could not stay married to the woman who abused him, but he also knew that if he wanted to be a better man for his children, he had to heal from the physical and emotional trauma.

He started with cognitive behavioral therapy to help him process all the emotions he felt while he was being abused by his wife. He needed to understand that none of what she did was okay. After a few sessions, he was learning strategies to cope with flashbacks and triggers. Sometimes, he allowed himself to feel every emotion before firmly telling himself that it would never happen to him again.

Domestic violence victim attending therapy session (tCaPC).

Great support system

Gerald's best friend was there for him, coming through every therapy session and patting his back whenever it was needed. He even babysat the children when Gerald needed his solitude. With his best friend, Gerald could cry and share every emotion without being ashamed.

Getting Protection

For every victim of domestic violence, the best thing is to remove yourself from that situation. Gerald had a sit-down with his wife and talked to her about his break-up decision. While she cried, he could no longer trust her to be his partner when things were rough. They would figure out how to co-parent. He also planned to have custody of his children because he did not trust his wife when she was angry or irritated. He needed to put his children first.

Conclusion

After removing oneself from any potentially violent situation with intimate partners, it is important to focus on self-care. The journey does not end with you getting out. You have to prioritize your mental health so that you can be better for your loved ones who were involved in the situation. Although the physical impact of domestic violence can be fatal, the psychological effects would be long-lasting. However, recovery is possible with the right support and resources.