How Mental Health Issues Affect Romantic Relationships

A couple enjoying a serene moment together in the sunset (tCaPC)

Romance is a beautiful thing and being in a romantic relationship with someone you love can easily get you on cloud nine. However, things can get difficult when mental health issues are involved. When there Is a pullback or a close-off due to these conditions, communication becomes harder. Some of us have dealt with partners struggling with mental health conditions, while others are dealing with mental health issues of their own. However, if two are willing to tango, they will always find a way. 

As someone who has seen the impact of mental health issues in serious relationships, allow me to share some navigation tips with a little story.

The Foundation Of Mental Health And Love

Whether you are trying to have romantic casual situations, or you are vying for a long-term relationship, everything usually seems great in the beginning, especially when you are both in a good place. The initial stages are always filled with excitement and adventure and you want to remain there forever. However, that would be the easiest part. When the surface guard starts to chop off and you become comfortable enough to allow triggers, do you recognize yourself or your partner? For Precious, cracks in her romantic relationship began to surface early.

Precious Story

Precious had decided to be single when her boyfriend of three years broke off their engagement for reasons best known to him. She buried herself in her work and decided to take her time with love again. Soon enough, she met James and while she tried to fight her feelings, she fell in love with him. He would do things for her and make her feel loved, but he fought some demons.

James had battled depression and the need to control for most of his adult life. He lost his parents in a brutal homicide and blamed himself for not picking up the phone when his mother called on that fateful day. Although he was not allowed to use his phone while he worked, he believed that he would have stopped the homicide if he had picked up the phone. Since then, James had carried the guilt to every relationship he found himself in, and Precious was not an exception.

When he calls Precious and gets no answer, he gets anxious and goes on a hyper-spree to look for her. Sometimes, he would go off on her, telling her to stay only when he could protect her. These conditions often felt like an invisible weight on their relationship and Precious started feeling trapped. James' trauma was like a projectile waiting to jump in during a stressful interaction. Soon enough, it influenced their communication and Precious started second-guessing her decision. She had seen James at his best and knew that the trauma did not define him, but she wondered if she moved too fast.

A man struggling with mental health issues (tCaPC)

James could be sweet, she had seen him with the children in the neighborhood. However, Precious wondered if their relationship would last. James also noticed the strain in their relationship. During his depressive episodes, he felt numb and detached, unable to find the energy or enthusiasm for activities they once enjoyed together. He knew she was getting frustrated and it created a sense of distance between them, but he was not going to let Precious go. He had promised himself to fight for her and he was going to be better for her.

The Biggest Lifeline

On one hand, Precious wanted to make things work. She knew he could be better and she was ready to support him through the process. However, he needed to be brave enough to face his demons. If not, her efforts and support would be in vain. Before anything else, James wanted to talk to his girlfriend. While he wasn't ready to communicate just yet, there was no right time. Whether he chose to talk to her that day or three days later, his trauma would continue staring him down. So, he decided to talk to Precious about his trauma and depression.

He finished his work early and came home to prepare dinner for two. He paced and tried to rehearse what he was going to say to his girlfriend, but nothing stuck. When he saw her walk through the door, he decided to speak from his heart. Initially, he found it difficult to open up about his mental health issues, but he knew that keeping his struggles to himself would only make things worse. They both decided to hold on to their biggest lifeline; communication. James explained his trauma and feelings to Precious and how these issues affected his behavior.

To his relief, Precious empathized with him and told him that she loved him and was going to support him while he did what he needed to do to get better. She also talked to him about how she felt confused, helpless and frustrated when he had his episodes. This honesty laid the foundation for more open and supportive communication.

Doing Therapy

While honest communication laid the foundation for getting better, it was not the cure. James wanted his relationship to work with Precious and she wanted to deal with her confusion. So, they opted to go for individual and couples therapy. James was able to determine the best coping mechanisms for his depression and with couples therapy, they got to understand each other better. It was going through a first date again.

A couple attending therapy to work on their relationship (tCaPC)

Individual Therapy

Lone Therapy was vital for Precious and James, if they wanted to get better as two individuals in a relationship. Every session was an eye-opener for them as they got to the roots of all their emotions. Their willingness to work things through reflected positively on their relationship. James learned the best ways to manage his emotions and became less controlling.

Although therapy is important when dealing with mental health conditions, your life after every session is also critical to your progress. Do you live a healthy lifestyle? Do you get enough sleep? These activities directly influence the state of our minds. 

Progress is not going to be a smooth ride. There will be good days and bad days. However, what matters most is that you and your partner are there for each other.