How to Avoid Stress in a Relationship: A Personal Approach

Even among family members finding common ground on things without friction can be a tall order. Even an identical twin may have points of divergence. Sometimes the difference can manifest in the tiniest things, such as the choice of food, colour, sleeping position, etc. We hear people say no two human beings are the same in all ramifications. This is true, because we are wired differently, each with its own set of beliefs, opinions, preferences, biases, etc., and this is perfectly fine. The complex nature of our human relationships can often lead to complicated situations that could result in stress for the parties involved if great care is not taken.

Stressors are common in every relationship. As long as we interact with others, meet new people every day and form new relationships, no matter the kind: familial, romantic, work, etc., we are bound to come under the pressure of things capable of stressing us. 

Stressed? the Counselling and Psychotherapy Collective (tCaPC)is here to help.

Since stress is a given in human relationships, what proven strategies should you consider to improve your relationship with others and avoid deteriorating the quality of your interaction with others?  

Experts have recommended compromise as an effective tool for avoiding stress in our relationships with others. While this approach can accomplish a great deal for anyone wary of stressors, however, little is known about its effectiveness in avoiding relationship stress, especially in contrast to acceptance. We can incorporate compromise with other strategies when avoiding stress in our interactions with others.

Finding compromise at the Counselling and Psychotherapy Collective (tCaPC) A couple seeks guidance in therapy.

Compromise involves shifting grounds to accommodate the needs of others, often to our detriment. As mentioned earlier, compromise cannot effectively foster harmony and nurture the understanding and rapport we need.

Compromise is good, Acceptance is better. Discover steps Chris took to avoid stress in his relationship. 

Acceptance in bloom. 🌸 #the Counselling and Psychotherapy Collective (tCaPC)

Chris’ Journey

Chris taught a dance class to fifteen-year-olds. Every weekend the kids stop by his house and he drives all six of them in his repurposed van to the Academy. They love his company, especially their parents. His calm demeanour, laid-back and soft-spoken nature easily mark him out as admirable. Jack, Chris’ brother, arrives in town, one morning with nowhere to stay. He is financially handicapped and faced with a housing challenge. He arrives at Chris’ door with pleas to temporarily move in. Jack is a drug addict and adamant to change. Chris is not happy with his lifestyle, especially around the house. He cannot risk being associated with such a lifestyle. The difference in lifestyle and preferences becomes a stressor for both brothers and threatens the bond of their brotherhood. He insists he has kids who cannot afford to see drugs around the house. The situation becomes stressful for both brothers. Chris didn't know how to be firm and accepting, without endorsing his brother’s lifestyle. At first, he was obstinate and unwilling to reach a compromise with Jack. However, these strategies helped save his relationship with his brother from becoming a stressor.

Consider the following strategies Chris applied to avoid stress in your relationship with others. It works for almost anyone.

Embrace Diversity

Embracing Diversity: Two people at the waterfront, symbolizing unity promoted by the Counselling and Psychotherapy Collective (tCaPC)

Acceptance can be a great tool for side-stepping stressful situations in our relationship with others. Acceptance is the implicit admission that people are unique and different, in their way. Chris in our story, chose to accept that Jack’s preferred lifestyle is valid, even though there were set boundaries that cannot be crossed. While his approach can be mistaken for an express endorsement of drug use, he was able to establish boundaries to avoid stress in their relationship. Recognizing the human agency of Jack and the freedom to be himself without judging or policing his behaviour or choices, helped Chris avert situations that could put a strain on their relationship. When dealing with others, no matter the nature of the relationship, reinforcing acceptance can lead to mutual respect. This can go a long way in eliminating eggshells capable of causing stress in our relationships.

Active Listening

Listening is not just a language skill. It is a conscious effort and intentionality invested in understanding the needs of others. It ensures we are not being dismissive of their opinion and choices. At first, Chris did not realize the need for a conversation with Jack. They were both bent on having their way. He assumed Jack understood the need to keep his lifestyle private in order not to create the wrong impression of him in the minds of the kids. However, over time, they both realized the need for a dialogue. When he spoke with Jack, he actively listened in a bid to understand Jack and improve their relationship. When faced with situations capable of ruining our relationship with others, it is important not to underestimate the power of active listening and dialogue. Having conversations about the stressors helps to assess the situation, in contrast to the viability of the relationship, and improve rapport.

At the Counselling and Psychotherapy Collective (tCaPC), active listening brings healing and connection.

Conclusion

Unity in Connection: Image by the Counselling and Psychotherapy Collective (tCaPC).

Human relationships are complex and navigating them to achieve harmony and avoid stress can be problematic. Amongst the various strategies touted to help avoid stress in any relationship, acceptance, dialogue, and active listening proves more effective. It is important to understand the aim of acceptance and not mistake it for endorsement of unwanted behaviour or situations. In navigating the issue of drug use, Chris, in our story demonstrated how acceptance, dialogue and active listening can help improve our relationship with others especially when it is difficult to find a common ground. The beauty of the human race is the diversity and uniqueness of every individual. When we learn to embrace this diversity and make efforts to understand others and the choices they make, our relationships will witness less friction as each party operates in mutual respect and prioritizes understanding for a harmonious relationship.